It was still dark when Meera forced her eyes open. She could
have lain in bed for another couple of hours if she wanted to, but a voice
inside her said that it was time to leave. She looked at the clock. It was four
in the morning. Her husband would most likely be home soon. She turned to her
left to see Sam sleeping by her side, his forehead devoid of wrinkles, his lips
curled into a wry unconscious smile. He was probably dreaming of the ocean.
Meera imagined him sitting alone by the waterfront, looking out into the
endless stretch of blue tranquility that lay ahead of him, while gentle waves
kissed his toes, and whispered goodbye as they melted into the sea. She looked
at his boyish face long and hard, hoping to partake of that moment of bliss.
But that fleeting felicity was his and his alone. She, on the other hand, had
been singularly left out.
Meera sat on the edge of the bed, looking around the room.
She could tell that a man lived there. There were clothes strewn across the
room, some hanging from the handles of chairs, and some crumpled in a heap on
the floor. Leather shoes were paired with rubber sandals and socks were nowhere
to be found. The desk had typed sheets of paper scattered all over, with no
binders, no labels, and no semblance of organization. She spotted the end of
her embroidered kurta peeking from
underneath the stashes of paper. She wondered how it found its way to the desk,
let alone be buried beneath the rubble. But it strangely didn’t seem out of
place. She realized that there were no pictures on the wall. There were no
framed faces peering at her, feigning familiarity. Maybe he never loved anyone
enough to cling onto them. Or maybe it was just men.
She looked at the clock again. It had only been fifteen
minutes, but it almost felt like an hour. She decided to take a shower. She
tried to wrap the sheet around her in an effort to leave the bed, but couldn’t.
Sam was holding onto it in a death grasp. She muttered under her breath and let
go of the sheet. She couldn’t afford to wake him up. After all, he looked too
peaceful. Meera stood up and looked at her side of the bed. The soiled linen
traced angular patterns mimicking her body – an exoskeleton reminding her of
the previous night. She felt tainted and couldn’t look at it anymore. She tiptoed
across and made her way to the bathroom.
Meera tried finding her way, but couldn’t see a thing
inside. The geography of the room was unknown to her and the darkness wasn’t
helping. She was careful to close the bathroom door behind her and switched on
the light, albeit reluctantly. She found herself standing by the sink facing a
mirror. She looked at the woman staring back at her, but she was unrecognizable.
Her eyes were still blurry from sleep and an extended period of darkness. She
squinted straight ahead, making sure that it was her she was looking at. The
image had her hair in tangles. Her eyes were deep set, with shadowy circles
running under them. She thought it was smudged remnants of kohl from the day
before. She tried erasing them with her fingers forcefully, but they wouldn’t
go. They were adamant. She stretched her arm to the side, tapping the skin
beneath her elbow. The muscles were no longer as firm, and they bounced more
than she would have liked. She looked down at her stomach and caressed her
stretch marks longingly. There was a stitched up dent on the side, which had
once been a gaping wound. And suddenly she felt violated. She looked away from the
mirror and covered her breasts in shame.
------------------------------
Meera had been walking for the past hour, and she had almost
reached home. The hurricane had ravaged the city and had left a deathly calm
behind. There were no birds in sight. People were still holed up in their
houses, some secure, sleeping peacefully in their bedrooms and some trapped
under a pile of debris, afraid to start afresh. There were giant uprooted
trees, stretched across the breadth of the road, resting on dented roofs and
shattered windshields. Makeshift shops had been obliterated, their unsuspecting
owners still on their way, harboring false hopes for a day of good business. The
devastation was palpable. Meera waded in a bubble of indifference, making her way through vast stretches
of human wasteland that lay on either side, her mind wandering off into the
distance.
She reached her apartment and waited for her husband to
return. He might want to have some tea, she thought. She walked into the
kitchen, and set some water to boil. She looked out of the window blankly. The
sun was up now, and she realized she had some piled up laundry to take care
off. She walked out of the kitchen, heading towards her bedroom to change, when
she heard the doorbell. She stilled smelled of Sam and wanted to change first,
but her visitor seemed impatient, going at the doorbell relentlessly. She roughly
ironed out the creases in her shirt with her palm and opened the door. Her
husband was standing there. His eyes were red. He smelt conspicuously of
cheap alcohol.
“Tea?” she said, with forced animation.
He looked away and stumbled into the house. He muttered
incoherently and Meera took it for a yes. The boiling water spilled all over
the stove. It hissed like a serpent as it made its way to the floor.
Nicely done! A painting indeed! Pent up emotions released through the hissing steam? Gung-Ho
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